Tortured Mind, Hidden Soul
by LadyWillow
Summary: In an uber universe, Xena's reincarnation is in a mental hospital... but does she belong there? It's up to her doctor to decide. Good characterizations, and a compelling story line makes this one uber fic you don't want to miss!
1. Chapter One

Legal Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong only to me. They are based on the characters owned by Ren pics however. Please don't sue me, I'm ghetto poor.  
  
Other disclaimers: SUBTEXT LIES AHEAD! You have been warned.  
  
Dedications: To my boyfriend Devin, and to one of my bestest friends Skip. :D Wuv to you both!  
  
  
***  
  
**Tortured Mind, Hidden Soul  
**By: LadyWillow  
  
  
A hand reached out to her, and she heard herself cry out. All she knew was that she wasn't safe. They were after her. With their weapons and their hard eyes an firm grips. They were going to kill her. They were going to steal her brain, or make her a member of their dark army. She didn't want to fight. Didn't want to kill anyone. Why wouldn't anyone leave her alone?  
  
  
  
Shhhh... Blayne, can you hear me? A soft voice reached her ears. They were gone now. She was safe.  
  
Blayne whimpered, and looked up into a familiar face.  
  
  
She was older, with subtle wrinkles on her face, but her dark brown eyes were full of warmth.  
  
Blayne gave a small smile, and she returned it full force.  
  
Blayne, it's time for you to take your pills. She said gently, reaching out to the paper cup on her wheeling cart.  
  
  
Blayne nodded in a resigned fashion, and quickly swallowed the multicolored pills, before looking around the room.  
  
  
It was never any different. Clean and white, it smelled slightly of disinfectant soap and assorted flowers that were put in tall plastic vases on the low table by her barred window.  
  
She looked back to the attendant, who was deftly tidying up around the room. When she felt Blayne's eyes on her back she turned and smiled.  
  
Oh, Blayne, there's a new attendant here. She's been assigned to working with you.  
  
Blayne nodded despondently, and the attendant fluffed the pillows on her bed, then turned and made for the door, her cart rolling in front of her, wheels squeaking slightly.  
  
She'll be coming to meet you in about an hour. Was all she said before the door closed behind her, and Blayne heard the lock click into place.  
  
  
***  
  
She doesn't talk. Mrs. Marstens said to the small woman. She'll nod and shake her head, but that' the most anyone's been able to get out of her.  
  
Curious green eyes flickered to meet deep brown.  
  
Is that why attendants get rid of her so quickly? She asked, picking up a clipboard and studying the writing.  
  
Yes, that's why. She's very frustrating.  
  
The blonde looked up from the board. Schizophrenic and delusional?  
  
Mrs. Marstens nodded gravely. Along with some other minor afflictions, I'm afraid. She sighed. I'll tell you right now, Ms. Andas-  
  
Please, call me Robin.  
  
All right, Robin, I'll tell you right now that Blayne Sinclaire is a lost cause. She has no family to speak of that wants anything to do with her. She comes from an extremely wealthy family, and they just pump money here for her treatment and insist that her condition, even her existence, is kept quiet. Blayne, as far as we can tell, will never get better. That's why we assigned her to you. You're good at what you do. If you can help her, then that's good. If not, then we're sending her to a home to live the rest of her life. Mrs. Marstens sighed. You should probably go see her now. Good luck.   
  
Robin frowned, and left the room without a word, lost in thought.  
  
  
***  
  
Robin walked quickly to the corridors here the patients were kept  
  
As she looked for room number 251, she thought about how strange it was that she was working here, at Shady Oaks Mental Health Facility.  
  
Robin had always had an imagination as a child. She made up fanciful tales as a child, and as she began to get older, she started to write actual stories, much to the delight of her teachers and dismay of her parents.  
Robin's parents were strict, and very firm in their beliefs for their daughter. They felt that whatever choice they made for Robin would be in her best interest.  
  
So, when they told her that she was to become a doctor, naturally they were unfazed by her dislike and rejection.  
After a while, Robin resigned herself to her fate, and began the huge amounts of studying and reading that needed to be done in order to get the job.  
However, when it was time for Robin to choose her majors in college, she shocked her parents by taking several mental health classes, and minoring in English.  
Her parents were furious at this outright disobedience of them, and were even more upset when their daughter came to them and told them that she thought she was gay.  
  
No no no! They had shouted, standing over her imposingly.  
This is not how were raised you!  
  
After much arguing, Robin soon realized that her attempts were futile. Her family would never accept her, or the choices she had made.  
Sadly, Robin withdrew from those around her and poured herself into her schoolwork. While this was terribly lonely, and seemed to cause the young woman to become even more withdrawn and depressed, it did get her great marks, and she basically had her pick of any job she wanted.  
  
Unfortunately for Robin, the one thing she wanted to do was now quite impossible. The words that had once flowed so freely from her, to make long moving stories, and heartwrenching poetry had long since dried up. No matter how hard Robin tried, she couldn't write.  
  
Her talent, joy and passion had been stolen from her, and the woman that remained was nothing more than a ghostly shell.  
  
***  
  
Robin breathed a great sigh of relief when she finally located the room, and for a moment she stood outside the door, reviewing the charts once more, and trying to think of ways to get Blayne to respond to treatment.  
  
Robin had been in the business for years, and was regarded one of the best mental health specialists in the country. The fact that she had agreedt o work here, to work with Blayne, was a big deal to many people.  
  
In actuality, Robin had been looking for a challenge. She wanted to have a patient who would require a lot of work before becoming well. Robin knew it was selfish, but she wanted to be able to lose herself in her work; to be able to hide from her pain, and her lost soul by moving all of her focus to someone else. It was something she had done many times before. Being such a compassionate person really brought it on a lot, but it was only just so long before she'd begin to remember the hateful looks of her family, the beautiful words she had shaped, had molded into amazing stories, full of love, pain and growth.  
Robin knew if she had only been allowed, she could have been a great author.  
  
And now, her chance was gone.  
  
  
  
Taking a deep breath, Robin unlocked the heavy, cold metal door and turned the knob.  
  
  
Once she had entered, the brightness of the afternoon sun that was streaming into the two windows made her wince, and reach up a hand to shield her eyes.  
  
It took a minute for her eyes to adjust, but when they did, she looked around the small room curiously.  
  
  
The flowers that had been placed on the low table under one of the windows had been torn apart, and the petals were in small piles on the floor.  
  
She looked over to see Blayne sitting in a corner with a book. It was obvious that the woman was reading, and Robin was loathe to disturb her.  
  
She walked across the room, carefully avoiding the small piles of multicolored flower petals in neat little rows across the floor.  
  
  
She stopped when she was a few feet away from her new patient, and gently cleared her throat.  
  
  
The woman looked up, an expression of guarded curiosity on her face, and Robin flashed the dark woman a reassuring smile.  
  
Hello, I'm Doctor Andas. But you can call me Robin, okay?  
  
When Blayne made no move to reply, Robin crouched down so she was level with the woman.  
  
It's okay. I know you don't like to talk. She said gently, looking deeply into sky blue eyes.  
  
However, I want to help you, and if you don't talk, there's nothing I can do for you.  
  
  
Blayne looked away, and after sitting in complete silence for nearly 15 minutes, Robin shifted her attention to the small piles of flower petals in their perfectly even, neat little rows.  
  
When she got closer it only took her a moment to figure out what they were.  
  
  
Blayne, she realized, had carefully counted out eight petals to each pile, making sure that no one pile was more spread out then another. The piles, she noticed, had also been sorted by color, but not by flower type. They had then been line up in rows of five. There were also five columns, and Robin shook her head amusedly. Apparently, Blayne had OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, also. She had a feeling that this wasn't exactly a new revelation, and wondered why it wasn't on Blayne's charts.  
  
Robin walked back over by Blayne, and looked at the cover of the book her patient was reading.  
  
Ancient Greek Warriors? She said, surprise on her face.  
  
We have something in common then! Robin exclaimed. I studied Ancient Greece in college.  
  
Blayne looked up, a glimmer of interest in her eyes.  
  
  
What warrior are you reading about right now? Robin asked, excitement barely veiled.  
  
Wordlessly, Blayne turned the book and showed the heading to Robin.  
  
Xena: Warrior Princess?  
  
Blayne nodded solemnly, and Robin felt the hairs on the back of her neck raise.  
  
  
A knock came on the door, and Robin shook herself a bit, and hurried to see who was there.  
  
She pulled the door open and saw a clearance officer standing with an older woman and a teenage girl who just appeared bored.  
  
Doctor Andas, this is Blayne's family. The clearance officer stated, and the woman pushed in, and stood in front of Blayne's piles of flower petals.  
  
Blayne, when are you going to grow out of this?! Her mother exclaimed and Robin jumped and hurried inside.  
  
Blayne was sitting on the floor, looking up at her mother with barely subdued anger in her eyes.  
  
Robin hurried to her side and put a gentle hand on the angry woman's shoulder.  
  
Ma'am, please, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Robin said sternly.  
  
I'm not going anywhere until I make sure Blayne understands this! The woman shrieked, her eyes wild.  
  
You either stop this game now, or you won't have a home to come back to! She exclaimed. You're costing us tons of money all the time, and all for nothing!  
  
  
The clearance officer pulled the angry mother from the room, and the teenage girl just glared at her sister and followed her mother.  
  
Robin didn't know what to do now, and she jumped at the sound of an unfamiliar voice.  
  
  
I hate them.  
  
Robin looked at Blayne curiously, and knelt before the dark woman softly.  
  
Is your mother always like that?  
  
Blayne nodded then met Robin's eyes.  
  
Why wont you talk, Blayne?  
  
Blayne frowned. There's nothing to say. It gets me in trouble. She stated simply.  
  
Robin's brow furrowed, and she reached ot gently, taking Blayne's hands in hers.  
  
  
Well, you won't get in trouble wit me. she sated, her eyes serious.  
  
  
Blayne sighed. I'm Xena.  
  
***  
  
Robin exclaimed, her eyes wide. Blayne sighed.  
  
What makes you think that?! Xena's dead!  
  
Blayne shook her head vigorously.  
  
I'm her... reincarnated. Blayne stated. Sometimes she...takes over.  
  
  
Robin shook her head in disbelief. How... why? Robin couldn't believe what she was hearing. It wasn't possible... was it?  
  
Blayne sighed heavily, and turned, looking out the window.  
  
She's looking for Gabrielle. Blayne stated. Her reincarnation. Once Gabrielle's reincarnation and I are together Xena can rest.  
  
Robin began to write on her clipboard, glad that she had began to make a progress with Blayne.  
  
She pushed down the part of her that had reacted to Blayne's words. The part that had tried ot remind her of her youth.  
  
You don't believe me, do you. It wasn't a question.  
  
Robin winced. I didn't say that, Blayne. I just... I don't know. You have to admit, Blayne... your story is quite unbelievable.  
  
Blayne put her head in her hands, and rubbed at her eyes.  
  
I know.. but she still comes. Even with the medication, Xena still wants to find her. Her face turned back up, and her eyes flashed. If she's not really there, Xena shouldn't be able to come, shouldn't be able to get through.  
  
Robin shook her head slightly. This was too much.  
  
Blayne, lets talk about this some more tomorrow, after we've both had some rest.  
  
Blayne shrugged.  
  
Whatever. I'm not going anywhere. She said, looking out the window again.  
  
Quietly, Robin let herself out, securely locking the door behind herself.  
  
***  
  
How'd things go?  
  
Robin lived with her best friend Erin, who worked as a band teacher in the local school district.  
  
Things went... not so good, actually. Robin said with a sigh.  
  
What happened? Erin asked,d a worried look on her face. She motioned for Robin to sit down on the couch next to Erin, and she gratefully sunk down.  
  
My patent is worse-off than I thought she would be. Robin explained. Erin frowned sympathetically.  
  
She didn't seem sick at all, but then... She sighed heavily an put her head in her hands, rubbing her face.  
  
Come on, Robin. Lets go back some cookies. You'll feel better.  
  
Erin was slightly heavy set, and comforted herself an others with the use of food most of the time.  
  
That sounds good. Robin said, and they hurried into the kitchen.  
  
***  
  
  
Good morning, Blayne. Robin said cheerily as she let herself into the room, clipboard in hand.  
  
The woman was sprawled out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly. She sat up and met Robin's eyes at her entrance, and Robin smiled.  
  
How are you feeling?  
  
Blayne looked down to her lap. She stated simply, smirking.  
  
Robin chuckled, and sat down next to her patient.  
  
How are you feeling up here? She questioned, tapping Blayne's temple playfully.  
  
  
  
Well, that's good. She stated, making notes on her clipboard.  
  
Did you study about Xena in school?' Blayne asked, picking up a history book.  
  
Robin nodded. Yes, I did.  
  
So you've heard about when she got her sidekick Gabrielle?  
  
Again, Robin nodded. Of course.  
  
You remind me of her. Remind Xena of her.  
  
Robin sighed heavily, and frowned.  
  
How do you know what Xena thinks, Blayne? She sounded exapserated. Xena is dead.  
  
Of course she is! Blayne exclaimed, I'm not stupid! I'm her reincarnation, her soul is inside of me. Blayne explained, sounding tired of trying to make people understand.  
  
The reincarnation theory doesn't involved being able to hear your soul's old charges talk to you. Robin reasoned, needing to make this woman understand.  
  
That's where this is different. Xena's soul needs the soul of Gabrielle around her to keep her at peace. Back when they were alive, Gabrielle redeemed Xena's soul. I need Gabrielle's soul around me to keep me from loosing my mind. Blayne explained, hoping against hope that her doctor would believe her.  
  
Robin was dumbfounded. On two counts. She knew that Blayne was in need of help, that she was delusional, schizophrenic. But she was mostly dumbfounded by the fact that part of her really wanted to believe Blayne. Badly. And part of her already did.  
  
She rubbed her face a bit, sighing heavily.  
  
she stuttered, not sure what to say.  
  
  
Blayne reached out and took Robin's hands in hers.  
  
Xena thinks you're her. Thinks you're Gabrielle. Blayne said softly, looking into Robin's eyes deeply.  
  
Before she knew what she was doing, Robin had leaned forward quickly and was kissing her patient. Quite passionately, as well.  
  
A light moan rose up from deep in Blayne's throat, and her arms were quick to wrap around her doctor, holding her close. Robin was well aware of what she was doing, yet she couldn't stop. Couldn't make herself move away. As their lips worked against each other, tongues explored and moved, Robin was remembering something from long ago.   
  
Her childhood... when she would write stories about a woman who fought with a stick, who was queen of many women, who had a tall dark lover. Robin had never known who she was writing about as a child, and when she grew older and learned of Xena and Gabrielle, she had passed off her childhood games as coincidence.  
  
But now, she was remembering from much longer ago. She could see, though the fog of her memories, were they hers?  
  
There she was... different clothes on her body, standing by a lake. Another woman was in the water, standing up to her waist, and completely naked. The woman looked just like Blayne, and she pulled a fish from the water, and tossed it to shore with a wide smile, before calling out to her. Robin remembered shedding her clothing, leaping into the water and swimming to the beautiful woman, being pulled into the strong, loving arms, and being kissed quite thoroughly. She remembered the soft words they whispered to each other of love and devotion, she remembered nights spent curled up together by the campfire, talking about the stars and the shapes, about the gods, about each other. But most of all, she remembered.  
  
  
The kiss broke finally, and tears filled Robin's eyes right away. Blayne reached out softly, ran her hand through the soft blonde hair, licked her lips gently.  
  
You remember... don't you.  
  
Instead of answering, Robin burst into tears and stood, hurrying from the room, not even bothering to lock the door behind her.  
  
  
Blayne wouldn't leave anyway.  
  
She would wait for her soul mate to return.  
  
***  
  
  
More soon. That's as much as I have written so far. :D Hope you liked it!  



	2. Chapter Two

She didn't want to go to work. Didn't want to see Blayne again. Didn't want to talk about the kiss... the memories.   
  
There was nothing she could do, she thought. Nothing that would make any difference. No one would believe that Blayne was telling the truth. That she was sane. Only Robin really understood.   
  
  
  
:: Maybe I'm insane as well... losing my mind, thinking things that aren't true. ::   
  
But Robin knew even as she thought it that it couldn't be the case. She had been Gabrielle. She was Gabrielle.   
  
  
  
And she needed Blayne. Badly.   
  
  
  
  
  
***   
  
  
  
  
  
Robin's parking job wasn't exactly exemplary, but she didn't care. Stepping out of her large black truck, she frowned and clicked the button that locked her vehicle. Nervously she ran a hand through her blonde hair, and walked to the automatic glass doors that lead into her place of employment. That lead her to Blayne.   
  
  
  
She checked in at the desk, and quickly went to her small office, smiling at the faint scent of vanilla that permeated the air. She always worked better when burning candles. Finding her paperwork and clipboard was easy enough, but bringing herself to walk to Blayne's room was proving to be much more difficult. Almost impossible, it seemed.   
  
However, ten minutes later found her standing outside of the large, white metal door, her hand poised over the lock, just hovering there, as if she was making the most difficult decision in her life. Opening the door was, to Robin, accepting that she was Gabrielle, that Blayne was Xena, that they belonged together. Walking away meant that she was, she knew, leaving the one thing that had ever made sense to her. The decision wasn't that hard to make, after all.   
  
  
  
"Good morning, Blayne." Robin said gently, closing the door behind her. Blayne looked up from her book, which Robin subconsciously identified as the play The Taming of the Shrew, a Shakespearean work. She smiled faintly, and walked toward her patient.   
  
"You came." The woman said, looking pleased and also surprised. "I thought you might leave for good."   
  
Robin smiled slightly. "I couldn't leave you. Not when we still have so much work to do."   
  
Blayne looked curious and a little worried. Taking a deep breath, Robin put those concerns to rest right away.   
  
"We need to get you cleared, get you out of this hospital."   
  
Blayne's large grin was enough to fuel Robin's next words.   
  
"We need to get you home. With me. It's time Xena had the rest she deserves."   
  
  
  
Quickly Robin found her arms full of the tall dark woman, and she hugged her back warmly. Lips found hers, and the kiss was full of the passion that had been awakened the day before. And as the kiss reached each new level of intensity, piece after piece of Robin's soul, the parts that had been lost, found their way back home. For the first time, Robin felt complete.   
  
  
  
Pulling away slightly, Robin took Blayne's hands in hers.   
  
"This isn't going to be easy. I can't just say you're cured. It may take a while... and I'll have to.. Have to lie."   
  
Blayne looked worried, and she brushed her fingers along the woman's jaw.   
  
"Lie how, Robin?"   
  
She sighed. "I'm going to have to say that you're getting better. That you're no longer making the wild claims of being Xena: Warrior Princess. That you're no longer schizophrenic... and it's going to be tough. For both of us." Robin clasped the hand on her face and brought the long, nimble fingers to her lips, placing a delicate kiss upon them, seeing the deadly destruction they could wage in the back of her mind, in her memories. She knew it would take a lot to get used to. Remembering something that had never happened, knowing deep down that there was something ancient inside of her, alive and in need of nurturing. In need of acceptance and in need of the soul that completed it near by.   
  
But Robin was up for the challenge. She knew that this was the day she had waited for her whole life. For the first time she felt whole, and felt like she truly belonged somewhere, felt that she had finally made the greatest achievement of her life.   
  
  
  
She had found herself in Blayne. And that was enough for her. Enough for her forever.   
  
  
  
***   
  
"How can she be well already? You've only been working with her for a month!"   
  
  
  
Robin knew it might have been too soon to turn in her paperwork that stated Blayne was completely well, free of delusion, and ready to be released back into society. But, she knew that she had to try. And now, she was talking to her boss, the owner of the institute. And he did not seem convinced.   
  
"Go ahead, sir. Run any tests you like on her. Blayne is completely well I assure you. And, it seems that minimal medication will be needed after she is released."   
  
That was true. Although Blayne really was Xena, she still had some problems. Luckily, they were easy enough to treat, and did not in any way warrant institutionalization. That was a relief in itself. All she would need was some mild medication for anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder.   
  
"Thank you, Robin. I think I will have some tests done. And not by you, either. Erin Brown will run them this afternoon. That is all, you may leave now." He said, looking down to other paperwork on his desk. As Robin moved for the door, he called out after her.   
  
"Oh, and don't go to see Blayne. Her test will be a surprise, and you are not to see her until after. Really, there would be no need for you to see her at all, if she's so well that she is able to be released. Your work with her is done. I'll be giving you a new patient tomorrow, providing that Blayne really is so miraculously healed, that is."   
  
  
  
Robin frowned, but nodded, and left his office with a sigh of both worry and relief. :: At least he's agreeing to the tests. Blayne has instructions to appear as outwardly healed as she can, and I've already told her not to speak of Xena at all. I'm sure everything will be fine. :: She thought to herself, climbing up into the cab of her truck and starting the engine, making sure the heater was on right away to chase away the chill of the early December air.   
  
"Everything will be all right." She said to herself, nodding.   
  
  
  
"It has to be."   
  
  
  
***   
  
All for now, check back soon to see the next part! Thanks for reading, and thanks for the reviews, please leave me some more encouragement..er... feedback. Yes, feedback. That's what I meant. .;;; 


	3. Chapter Three

She had been at home, pacing and wringing her hands when the phone call came, and Robin had cried out in relief as she ran and answered it, smiling broadly when she heard a familiar voice on the other end.   
  
"Robin? This is Blayne... you can come get me now..." Said the voice on the other end, sounding so far away.   
  
"Oh, thank God. I'll be there soon!" Robin exclaimed, and after saying her goodbyes, hung up and ran for the door, grabbing her keys off of the table on the way out.   
  
  
  
~*~   
  
Pulling up next to the building where she worked, Robin winced at her parking job, but she was too excited, too in a hurry to redo it, so instead she slammed her fists down on the steering wheel in frustration, and unbuckled her seat belt.   
  
Just as she was opening her door, her eyes widened.   
  
She couldn't just go walking in there! It was raise far too many suspicions for her to walk in on her day off and pick up a patient who was being released, who she just happened to treat. Her boss was already suspicious enough about how quickly Blayne had recovered!   
  
Her head fell forward, and landed on the steering wheel as she sighed heavily. Now what?   
  
Just as she was beginning to think that she'd have to go in and sneak Blayne out ninja-style, the passenger side door opened, and a head crowned with raven hair poked in.   
  
"Going my way?" Blayne asked playfully, before hopping in and closing the door. Before she knew what was happening, her arms were full of a small blonde who was clinging gleefully to her.   
  
"Um..hi?"   
  
"I'm so glad they let you out...." Robin said softly, pulling back and meeting sky blue eyes.   
  
"Me too...and Xena, she's happy too."   
  
"Can you really hear her in there?" Robin asked curiously, tapping a finger against Blayne's temple.   
  
She shrugged. "Not all the time... just once and a while. She's growing weak and all, you know." Staring off into space, Robin watched as Blayne smiled.   
  
"Xena wants to talk to Gabrielle." She announced, and Robin frowned. "How...do I let her talk? Gabrielle's never spoken to me or anything... are you sure she's in here?"   
  
Blayne chuckled, and ruffled Robin's hair playfully. "She's in there all right. Tonight we'll bring her out..." A pensive look came over her face, and she met Robin's eyes, her own solemn.   
  
"It's time they both got the rest they deserve."   
  
  
  
~*~   
  
More soon, sorry for the wait! Please review and let me know what you think, thanks! *Hugs everyone* Yay! Hugs are fun!! 


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